January 4- A legacy

7 years.
I can’t believe it’s been 7 years today that Dad has been gone. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that I spoke to him for the last time. Then at other times it feels like a lifetime ago. So much has happened in 7 years. Graduations, weddings, first jobs, deaths, and of course two very special births. The last one is probably the one that makes me saddest. I could handle not having my Dad walk me down the aisle, but I’ll never stop feeling a little cheated that he never got to enjoy knowing his grandchildren. And goodness, he would’ve loved Sterling. I’m afraid Billy may have been replaced as “the little guy” after Sterling. He’s just the spitting image of Dad. Sometimes he’ll make a face and it will bring me up short because he looks so much like the Granddaddy he never knew. Today was the first anniversary where I didn’t cry. I was too busy marveling at the two amazing lives we do have here today. I still think Dad had a little hand in picking out the 2 perfect children for us. Some people know that when we first found out we were pregnant, they didn’t even qualify it as a twin pregnancy. The doctors labeled it 1.5 pregnancies. No one thought Sterling would make it. He didn’t have a heartbeat when he should’ve and his growth was lagging. It was a precarious time for Michael and I as we waited for each ultrasound to see if Baby B (Sterling) was still viable. I don’t think anyone held out much hope for the second embryo. Everyday, I spent a lot of time “talking” to my Dad. I guess that might be the only upside to having a deceased father…you never have to pick up the phone to talk to him. I spent a lot of time asking him to watch over my second little baby, begging that if he had any pull with the big guy, that he ask Him to leave this baby with me to care for. Maybe at the same time I was actually talking to both my Fathers. That communication continued as I suffered a major bleed at 12 weeks that lasted for 5 more weeks. Sterling didn’t catch up in growth until our last ultrasound, where both babies measured exactly to their due date. They were born 2 days later weighing in with only a 3 oz. difference between them. And guess who looked just like his Grandfather? That little baby who no one thought would ever make it. Like I said, I think there’s something to it. These children have changed my life in so many ways, but perhaps the way I’m most grateful for is they were the only ones able to fill the hole left in my heart when Dad died. I’ll never stop missing him, and I hope he remains in my daily thoughts forever, but finally there are two lives that are great enough to fill that hole, and let me tell you, it was a pretty big hole. Thank you Dad for being the best father anyone could ever hope for, and thank you Ella and Sterling for showing me how life goes on and can be beautiful again. I’d like to end this post with a verse that hung on a plaque in my Dad’s bathroom almost my entire life. It says everything I need to say:

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.”
Over the past few months the kids have really mastered eating their food with utensils. They have actually gotten to a point where they really won’t eat unless you give them a fork. Soup on the other hand is a little trickier. It sloshes all over that spoon making it very difficult for any of it to end up in their mouths. Tonight Ella really shocked me. She actually ate 2 bowls of chicken soup all by herself! She was very skillful with the use of her spoon, and very little dribbled on her bib! I was stunned!
I keep the cabinet with the pots and pans in my kitchen unchildproofed. It’s the one cabinet I don’t mind them getting into. I often find small toys or leftover goldfish crackers in my pots. Tonight Sterling wanted to play a game of reorganizing the cabinets. He pulled every pot and pan out, put them all on the coffee table, then put them all back in the cabinet in who knows what order. He had to work very hard at this reorganizing project, nearly climbing into the cabinet to reach the furthest back pots!